You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
