I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Sober January is a disaster.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
