The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
