Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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