I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
