The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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