I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
