im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
3 2 1 whiskey
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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