I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
is that a dick in a sweater?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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