my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
