I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
