hotel room ftw
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Randomize
