this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
