ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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