next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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