I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
