He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Holy sore nipples Batman
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
