Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
