Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
