carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
