I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
