Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
