I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
