Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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