1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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