I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
