I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I cannot find my penis.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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