Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just gargled with NyQuil
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
