I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
