so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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