they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
