i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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