Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
