I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
