whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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