This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
