You're so nebulous sometimes
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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