I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
