why didn't you poke me back
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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