I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
