im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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