I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
