Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
