Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
