Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
