how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
