Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
