Yo dont text me then not text me
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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