i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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