I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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