We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
