Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
